Tuesday, August 03, 2010
8:57 PM
8:57 PM
"I wonder how it is that people do this, day after day, but I am doing it. Walking through stores imagining you in each piece of clothing, knowing exactly what you would like, what you would buy if you were here walking beside me. The washed out jeans, the button down. I’m in a dressing room trying on Adidas jackets, and I have to mock myself for this pathetic attempt to make you feel closer. And I realize it has been years now. Other people seem to adjust so quickly, moving from person to person. Not me. It took two years to not feel hurt and angry with you if someone else made me laugh. Now there is a boy who calls me every day, asks me questions and wants to spend time with me. But while he’s speaking there is a part of me that sees your face and thinks, “you liar, liar, liar…”. I was told if I stopped calling, put all of the pictures away and took your number from my phone it would all fade, but it hasn’t. What is loneliness? Staying up until 4 in the morning playing out arguments you will never have with someone you will probably never see again. I still need to say probably."